TNP LIVE 09/17/2024 Monologue
Do you all believe in premonitions? Because I have a story for you...
This past Sunday I was walking along a trail and some cyclists passed me, and as I stepped to the side of the trail, I imagined a scenario where I had to step aside into the path of a snake. A couple steps later and I encountered one. Just a little fella, and nobody has to suck the poison out of anything, but thank you for offering.
A little while after that I received a message from a relative that there was now a 2nd attempt on the life of Donald Trump, whom if you haven't heard, is a candidate for president. Although, this attempt is quite strange because the attempted shooter is somehow still alive. And boy, is this guy out there where the busses don't run!
I want you all to envision a man who takes every piece of rhetoric at face value supporting the war in Ukraine, and it's this fuckin' schmo. My immediate meme response if MJF yelling “You fucking Mark!” into a microphone. This guy reeks of crazy and he's had plenty of time to make contact with a bunch of authorities, so add this one to your mystery deck, cuz there's a lot of questions to follow up on here. Including the last minute golf outing resulting in said incident and what some of the media is blaming this all on.
Then, if you thought that switching to more primitive technology would be a benefit in escaping the clutches of the Global Corporatist Oligarchy, you better not sleep next to your pager tonight. Let the booty pages go for tonight or maybe learn how to Falcon for pussy. TNP accepts no fault in failed Falconing attempts or exploding falcons on behalf of the Israeli's.
Talk about starting the week off with a bang! Honestly, what's worse, exploding pager or finding out you have an early meeting with your asshole boss at 7AM?
But I digress, on to number three this evening: Who's ever let a friend crash at their place? I've been host to a few friends in the past too drunk to get home safe. However, none of them ever moved in with me, against my knowing.
Now since Covid, I realize it's been hard for some of us to find friends, but if you're gonna let someone stay at your place, you might wanna lay out some ground rules. For one, if you overstay your welcome, there need no be any authorities involved. And if I come home and the locks are changed, you better be a fucking locksmith handing me the key.
The fact that the state takes the side of the squatter isn't all that surprising considering the term, because government squats over us every damn day.
Lastly, do you love the ocean kids? How bout a healthy swim in a bunch of needles and tampon applicators? Sound gross? Yeah, you're fucking right!
This last one kills me because the beaches in September along the East Coast are almost affordable to visit. Not that the kids are back in the Prussian Authoritarian Behavioral Camps, you can snag yourself a place to stay and you don't have to wait an hour to get a table somewhere. But no! Now you can't visit the beach where you can get one last good sunburn in before the sun practically disappears and depresses the fuck out of you for the next 6 months.
Of all the things the government tracks, including probably every thing I do at this point, and they still can't track where a giant-ass pile of medical waste floated from, it's a testament (not the band) of just how useless the state is at protecting things that matter.
Swim in needles knowing that democracy is safe folks.